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Tutor 2I was talking to one of my health providers the other day. Which one, you ask? I can’t tell you because that would violate my Hippocratic rights to privacy, in spite of the fact that the rights belong to me and I’m willing to waive them.

Anyway, my provider suggested that I needed to get someone to help me out because, he concluded, I’m no longer up to the task on my own. I’m not sure what task he was talking about. Which, of course, may be precisely why I need help. 🙂

I asked my provider if he could refer me to anyone who might be able to help me. He said he couldn’t. Well, I may be in need of help, but that help obviously wasn’t very . . . helpful. I began to wonder if it was my provider who needed help.

That night I was watching the news (apparently I’m still able to do that without any help, although separating fact from fiction is becoming increasingly difficult) and I learned that President Obama would graciously be helping out President-Elect Trump to figure out how to handle his upcoming presidency. Interesting that Obama, and his cadre of spokespersons, are the only ones mentioning anything about that. Guess Obama thinks (as does James Bond) that “nobody does it better.” Actually, I think Obama thinks nobody does anything better. The newscaster I was listening to referred to Obama as “Tutor-in-Chief.” I don’t know if that label was Obama’s idea too. Probably was.

Imagine that. Trump was somehow able to get himself elected President without any help from Obama. And Clinton was not, in spite of tons of help from Obama. In fact, Trump was able to accomplish his victory over Obama’s strenuous and outspoken plea to all of his followers that they should vote for Clinton instead of Trump. Obama actually said that he would take any votes for Trump as a personal insult. Obama obviously suffered one heap of personal insults. And rejection. Of both him and his hand picked successor, Clinton. And his legacy.

Now that Trump had succeeded in winning the election, against all odds and predictions of his impending dismissal by the voters, Obama still seems to feel that Trump will not be able to make it as President without Obama’s . . . tutelage. So out of the goodness of his heart, and perhaps to delay his own departure (toodles!), Obama will now be tutoring Trump on how to manage.

Wow! I figured if Obama would take time out of his busy day to tutor Trump, maybe he’d give me some of the help I need too. After all, I need it more than Trump does. No one would vote for me for President. Well, maybe The Wife would. Hmm, on reflection, she probably wouldn’t vote for me either.

So, I just dove in, reached out, and called the White House to see if I could arrange for Obama to tutor me too. Surprisingly, I got right through. To Obama’s voicemail greeting: “This is Professor Dr. Obama. Please hold. Your call is very important to me. I’m busy at the moment, helping others just like you who need my tutoring. I’ll be with you just as soon as I can. In the meanwhile, if you start to feel faint or ill waiting for me to come on the line, please hang up and dial 911.”

After holding for about two hours (I paced myself with small snacks so that I didn’t become faint or ill), another Obama recording came on the line and said “This is Professor Dr. Obama again. Sorry, but I’m not going to be able to take your call after all. I’m just swamped helping President-Elect Trump figure out how to clean out the swamp he’s inherited here in D.C. From you know who, among others. Suffice it to say, I’m just not going to have the time to take on any new patients. If you still feel you need my tutoring, please hang up and call Tutors-R-Us. Have a nice life. Your tutor-in-chief, Professor Dr. Obama.”

Maybe I do need help after all.


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