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 cell 3Have you heard that smartphones can be hazardous to your health? Not only is it a true story, but it turns out that they’re three times more deadly to men than women. And the number of deaths is increasing dramatically.

 Slant drilling, climate change, earthquakes (isn’t that covered under climate change?), hurricanes (isn’t that covered under climate change?), terrorism, Putin (isn’t he covered under terrorism?), Trump (isn’t he covered under terrorism?), “Not my President” (isn’t that covered under terrorism?), dishonest and inept politicians, such as 2016 Green Party presidential candidate Jill Stein raising $6.5 million to pay for ballot recounts in three states (isn’t she covered under dishonest and inept politicians?), and the people who were inept enough to contribute money to Stein’s recount petitions when the underlying solicitations state on their face that not all the funds will necessarily be used for recount efforts and the more Stein raises the more she says she needs to raise (don’t those folks sending in their hard-earned money explain why we have dishonest and inept politicians?).

 And now we have to add deadly cell phones to the list!

 Your tried and true, loyal and diligent reporter decided this smartphone business warranted further investigation, especially to find out why I’m at three times the risk of . . . The Wife.

 According to the NY Post, the number of these reported cell phone deaths in 2014 was 15. Well, that’s not so threatening, but It more than doubled to 39 in 2015. Now it’s 73 in the first 11 months of 2016. Conservatively, the number will reach at least 80 by year end. That’s double the number of these deaths in 2015 and four times the number in 2014.

 Understandably, when I reached out to Apple CEO Tim Cook, he played it down. Way down. But I don’t think we can afford to take this so lightly, take Mr. Cook at his word. At this rate of increase, the projected annual number of deaths will reach 5 million by 2037!

 Radiation poisoning from holding the phones to close to your ears? Uh uh, not that. That’s yesterday’s news. Besides, you can take care of that by wrapping your head in tin foil every day (or cellophane if you’re one of those who worries about appearances, or who feels cellophane is simply more appropriate for cellophones).

Actually, the problem is using your phone . . . to take “selfies”!

 The majority of these reported deaths came from falling from buildings or mountains, or getting stuck on train tracks, or posing with firearms. Not only do we need more gun control, but now it turns out that we need more phone control. Or at least we need to regulate selfies, if not outright ban them! That’s a start. Especially for those not so photogenic.

 Ok, on three, say cheese. (I was going to say “Ok, on three, smile,” but I was afraid you might think I was referring to this blog rather than all the selfies, and wouldn’t give this blog the respect it deserves.)


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